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interests
A
B C D E
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| A |
ANIMALS
- I've only just started my interests page (which I'm doing in alphabetical
order). Fuck me! No sooner do I reach the letter A as one of my favourite
topics springs out. Fortune beckons as do the animals! Here's a few
I like the most:
Cheetah - Yes! The total Ultraviolence animal. As the fastest in the
world the Cheetah can sprint up to 70mph (that's 112kph, Europhiles)
and reaches that speed faster than your eyes read this sentence. In
fact, faster than your car, even if you happen to drive in F1. The
cheetah is also the only cat (domestic or otherwise) which can't retract
it's claws - the reason for this is purely to achieve maximum acceleration
- any time, any place. By contrast the mother tends to her cubs for
many years - teaching them the lethal skills necessary to be an animal
of this calibre. On a sadder note my cat, Tania, died in 1996 becoming
the only other cat unable to retract her claws - due to arthritis.
But she was 17, half Siamese and fucking fast to the grave. In fact,
during my teens I wrote loads of music from her point of view - one
of them even had an accompanying novel. Her favourite animals were
cheetahs, too.
Dog - Sorry - I fucking hate dogs. I was chased by one of the nasty
things as a child and nothing has changed as two years ago a large
Doberman came from a farm and chased me. Fortunately, I was on my
mountain bike and the farm was on a hill, so I JUST outran it. Otherwise,
KERRCHUMP! Actually, I don't really hate dogs at all - I just think
it is pathetic when people chose to domesticate unsuitable animals
and train them to be aggressive- what's the point? I suppose there
are "cat people" and "dog people" - you stay in
your pack and I'll purr.
Fox - I love foxes - even if they are just bushy tailed dogs! We have
foxes living in the bottom of our garden - I wanted to feed them but
my father (who also lives here) doesn't like their catcalls and wild
behaviour so we agreed to both leave them alone. People might well
get annoyed with urban foxes but the only reason they're here is because
we (humans) destroyed their natural habitat - what are they meant
to do - emigrate? I often get into PC problems in the pub when I talk
about fox hunting - I think it's abhorrent and barbaric - but compared
with 600 million chickens dying per annum in the UK after being kept
in appalling conditions it's not that important. And, yes, if you're
a vegetarian the suffering (to both) does still happen. But if I bring
this up I'm lambasted as a fox hater! I'm not! What the fuck's going
on?!?
Snake - Snakes are pretty cool and probably need a bit of defending
- they never attack people unless provoked/cornered/trodden on. Get
a load of my top 5:
5 - Anaconda (the heaviest snake ever - especially if they've just
swallowed a deer - their favourite prey.)
4 - Adder ( The only venomous snake in the UK - so respect!)
3 - Death Adder (Australian. Don't really know much about it but sounds
cool after my above namecheck.)
2 - Spitting Cobra (When I toured supporting The Exploited in 1997
I got spat on a lot- which was quite funny. The smile might have been
wiped off my face if I had been blinded for life! Hsssss!!!)
1- Black Mamba (The most aggressive in the world snake hails from
South Africa - this is an exception to all other snakes as it will
take chase after anyone/thing just cos it's pissed off!)
Hmm...strangely I started this by saying snakes are nice then I tried
to scare ya! But I'm just playing. Do you know anyone who has been
bitten by a snake? I doubt you do and I certainly don't. A funny trend
in TV at the moment is for celebrities (such as Steve Irwin, although
he's actually quite good) is to handle dangerous (if cornered) animals.
I predict one of them will be KERCHUMPed in the not too distant future.
I've gone on about animals for too long now - but one further note
about their general behaviour - it's so like us as to be untrue. See
a lion tearing a wildebeest to bits - the brutality (to me) feels
the same as watching footage of atom bomb tests/the actual bomb drops.
I don't believe man to be more brutal than an animal - merely through
higher technological advancement the brutality is magnified. And the
fact we (as people) can consciously consider (what is referred to
as our own) brutality further magnifies events that we ourselves have/had
no part in. Go to a club on a Saturday and you will clearly witness
males competing for dominance over (each other for) the female - their
strength demonstrated physically through fighting or as their other
potential as "mates" shown through their wallets - pathetic.
Hang on, some cunt's chatting up that bird I wanna shag - and I bought
her a drink ...bitch, bitch, bastard, bastard...etc.And so it continues...
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| B |
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BMX
- I love cycling - hard music apart it's the best thing ever. Even
if cycling made me fat I'd still do it. However, as I currently weigh
15 stone and cycle 100 miles per week it probably does make me fat!
My Webmistress bought me a BMX for my birthday this year as my other
bikes (mountain and road) are forever going wrong (gears, suspension
and wheels mostly). The BMX, however has wheels strong as an ox and
no gears - so it never goes wrong so I can always cycle. Another reason
for getting it was to learn some new tricks - but the thing weighs
about 40 pounds and I find tricks loads easier on a mountain bike.
So I invented a great new sport - BMXC - which means you get on your
40 pound - single speed- too small for you BMX and ride 20 miles.
Top torture! I've managed to burn off loads of mountain bikers, though,
which is fun. My BMX is a GT Fly in metallic blue - and that all I
know about it.
BOOZE - To be truthful cycling doesn't make me fat - that's the drink's
job. I sometimes think how healthy I'd be if I didn't drink - then
I have another bottle and think about it some more. I feel reasonably
sober right now - I've drunk most of 75cc of sherry and I'm currently
approaching 100cc of red wine. I've really lost count of what most
"normal" people drink and frankly I don't really care. I
do think sometimes that I could get music out quicker if I drank less
- maybe that would be good - maybe bad - I really don't know. Maybe
I'd live longer - would that achieve anything? Or maybe I'll just
get pissed not give a flying fuck. And YOU can come over HERE COs
YOU was LOOKIN' at me BIRD... |
| C |
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CREDITS
- The credit list on my albums probably come across as quite surreal
- I don't ever credit specific people as they are covered by the "thanks
to every who supports Ultraviolence" insignia. People who have
"supported me" (and that includes peoples who buy my records/come
to gigs as well as people who help me business wise and personally
) know full well who they are - people who have hindered - likewise.
I remember buying records as a fan, seeing the credits and feeling
a little excluded - I bought the record so why do I need the artist's
self-indulgent list? They're mostly endless meaningless names and
in extreme cases a quick and telling "and fuck the rest of you"
to cap it off. The "special thanks" credits I always give
are to any interests I have pursued during the time of making the
music. I've never told any of the name-checked companies about it
and have had no fiscal gain - it's purely for fun. Here's an explanation
of each:
Life of Destructor - I thanked "Marlboro" as I was on about
40 a day during recording and "Blend 37" was the brand of
coffee - I was also thrashing that at an alarming rate.
Psycho Drama - Heavily addicted to "Guinness" - "Penfold's"
is a brand of red wine. They don't mix well but I was fucking on fire
during this one - death would have had no influence over my obsession
- 68 minutes, story and all. I don't think it's my best album but
if I had to take one to the grave this would be it. Why? I don't know.
Killing God - I thanked "The Wolds", which is an ,admittedly
a rather crap pub in West Bridgford, near Nottingham UK where I live.
Wagner is my favourite composer - I was listening to truckloads of
his music during the recording and stole several samples/melodies.
But I'm sure he won't mind.
Superpower - Sshokwave (yes that is spelt right) is my local mountain
bike shop - I've (wanted to) shed tears in that place over the price
of repairs/non repairable things. "The Ferry Inn" is in
Wilford (just outside Nottingham) and is my favourite pub ever - it
even has 5 (yes five) resident cats. If you see me in there approach
me for beer. |
| D |
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| DRINKS
(non alcoholic). MILK! I fucking love milk - I can easily get through
six pints in the morning. And that any morning. If I had to choose
between giving up alcohol and milk then I'd have a very hard time
indeed...mind you maybe not as hard as caning three bottles of wine
the night before, waking up and drinking eight pints of milk and then
finding it's...what?...what's the fucking time?...I feel like shit
and fuck! Ribena's also good. |
| E |
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| ECSTACY
- As you may know if you've got this far down my list I once recorded
a track called "E Heads Must Die" - this may come across
as anti-drugs or an ironic bit of fun - it's much more the latter
than the former. I believe in people's personal responsibility to
do as they chose, however I got well fucked off in the early 90's
when people came up to me at raves/clubs saying "I really love
you" and shit (not people I know or are fans of my music, I hasten
to add). I really wouldn't've minded but it was obvious that they
didn't (love me). And their eyeballs looked like fucking UFO's that
you would want to shoot out of pity. So the title was in my mind for
some time. I was inspired to make the thing when I played out at a
rave in Amsterdam - five thousand of the E'd up motherfuckers just
looking at me - all totally wide eyed and fucked. I loved and hated
it at the same time - it looked like the end of civilisation and I
was on the stage in lights - as though commanding both hell and heaven.
But really my language is too flowery - it finished around 6.00am
and as I walked from the venue was once again surrounded by ingrates,
idiots and fleas. The event meant nothing - perhaps that's a point
in itself - but I got a great track out of it - and that's all that
matters to me. Everyone know that ecstasy, heroin and cocaine kill
a lot less people than alcohol, smoking and car crashes uncombined
- so why the big fuss? The media and the populous find it captures
their imagination - and the same happened to me. I'd like to think
I was a bit more self-aware, though.
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