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diary
see entries for 2001

28 February 2003
Welcome to the *ALL NEW* TeamUVR picture diary section. Today is an early start by my standards. I've already watched Starsky and Hutch (11am Ch5) and wandered about GTA3 Vice City killing indiscriminately when my mind wanders towards the digital camera that's been hanging around the toybox for a year or so. Earache owner Digby bought it for my last birthday but seeing as it doesn't have a flash I haven't bothered using it up 'til now when an idea occurs to me - how about an *ALL NEW* TeamUVR picture diary section…*FEATURING* me and my mountain bike. Camera in hand I diligently apply oil… you can see the spray to the left…

Here's a self-portrait and a quick FAQ.
Q/ Why are you wearing yellow lensed glasses and a hat? Are you trying to look like Ali G?
A/ No, I'm not. The yellow lenses are to enhance light and stop my eyes watering on fast sections. The hat is because it's cold.
Q/ What's that stupid blue tube hanging off your shoulder, Johnny?
A/ It's a camelback. Hidden behind the tube is a rucksack containing a bladder of water and/or vodka. I suck on the tube when I need a drink.
I take a shot of the garden with a view to a witty caption later.
Three (uphill) miles down and my gears are crunching in a "that'll be £150, mate" sort of a way. I stop to try to snap a shot that replicates the fear of negotiating a three lane roundabout on a bicycle. I fail only because it's started pissing down with rain so I can't be bothered to wait for the inevitable juggernauts.

Still raining but I'm about into the countryside - this is a hill that leads to a hamlet called Clipstone. It's a bit steep.
Halfway up. The advantage of doing an *ALL NEW* picture diary is that I get to pause without feeling like a lazy bastard. The hill continues…
Finally I get off-road into Clipstone woods. Welcome to the wonderful world of UK winter mountain biking. I later print this photo and show it to my father.
"Is that a field you're in?" he asks,
"No. That's the path and it continues round to the right" I reply.
Clipstone Woods is a never ending series of ups and downs - nothing is flat.
You could probably spend a couple of hours here without repeating a route - however I hate to feel like I'm going in circles so I just take the longest possible A to B - about four miles.
Although Clipstone woods contain no truly extreme riding, the downhills are pretty demanding with the seasonal mud. This is the top of my favourite one, however due to poor snapping you can't really tell that it's going down at all. More practice is required.
I'm feeling great. Over the last half-hour I've seen a grand total of two people and two dogs. I exit the woods to take a steep road into Cotgrave village, easily exceeding the 30mph speed limit which is a bit foolhardy considering the way the rain is beating my face.
This is the Grantham Canal. I normally take this route home but the last time I rode this was with Digby - we got six punctures between us (averaging 1.5 per wheel!) and had to call out Webmistress with four fresh inner tubes. So no, thanks.
The A52. Cars are good for two things - racing and getting me home when I'm pissed. This lot can just fuck off.
I have an inspirational moment for a "from the bars" shot. I'm going to pretend I jumped the upcoming wall of mud. Later I realise you can't see it in the photo so there's no point.
I ride past Buggyland - check them out www.buggyland2.com. I hope to be going there for mud buggy/quad bike fun for my birthday next weekend.
Back at the river Trent I spot a load of Canada geese. I approach with a view to getting as close as possible for a snap - hopefully not receiving another kind of snap in return. Unfortunately, they all run off as another squadron fly in. I try to capture the moment but it's a bit blurry.
Being around animals always over excites me…I mean imagine being a goose…flying around everywhere, having goslings, snapping at people…pretty cool. So I get hyper and start taking pictures whilst riding…
Then the inevitable happens…No, I don't fall off - even though I'm in such a good mood I wouldn't really mind. But the camera batteries run out. I get back home glad that I snapped the garden earlier…the caption was going to be "so I should've stayed at home and fixed the wall" but actually I shouldn't because I had a great time weather and all. Banked 25 miles and now it's back to the music…